Reduce Stress by Overcoming Self-Blame
Do you ever blame yourself for other people’s feelings? You aren’t alone. Self-blame may cause you to feel stressed and overwhelmed. You might be constantly worrying about how others might be viewing you. Have your eating and sleep habits ever been impacted in a negative way?
Many clients have told me that they worry about what other people say or how they may react in a particular situation. I often tell them that if you aren’t being mean or malicious on purpose, the feelings and thoughts of others are their own.
Identifying cognitive distortions
Have you ever experienced cognitive distortions where you try to mind read or jump to conclusions about what other people may think or feel about you? If this ever happens to you, think about how you might be making assumptions about the situation. Sometimes it is helpful to think about what superpowers you have in order do this. Clients often chuckle when I tell them that. They know they don’t have superpowers. However, their past experiences and interest in wanting to please others or make sure that others view them in a positive way impacts how they feel about themselves and what their thoughts are.
Perfectionism and pleasing others
You might be thinking, what can I do to change this about myself? In addition to identifying the cognitive distortion, you could reframe your thought to a different one. You should consider the evidence you have or don’t have for a particular situation. It would be helpful to acknowledge that there may be life experiences that contribute to your wanting to please others. You might also be thinking about being your best self or a view of yourself being perfect. How might you define that? You could also use self talk to remind yourself that how others react isn’t your fault. For example, “I don’t have control over their thoughts and feelings. They are choosing to react in this way.”
Not sure how to implement this or still feeling stress, be in touch. I am here to help you. Contact me to schedule a free consultation session.
